Waste Mail
by theessenceofsyd
Summary: Our favorite foursome gets some interesting fan mail one Christmas. for all of you who love mugglenet. R&R.


_**Disclaimer: because JK Rowling loves arm flavored marshmellows!**_

_A/N: this takes place some Christmas after the final battle. originally seen in one of my other stories that i am preparing to kill._

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**Waste Mail**

The day before Christmas Eve (or "Christmas Eve eve" as Ginny ran around the house yelling) arrived and with it came Kingsley Shacklebolt. He arrived in the living room, dropped an enormous box which he was carrying with a resounding thud, and departed, only to return a few moments later with another box. He repeated this process a few times to end up breathlessly in the living room with everyone (except George, who was making some last minute sales, Mr. Weasley, who had been called to the Ministry last notice, and Bill, who was obviously at his own house) staring at him.

"Fan mail," he explained, "Most is for Harry, but there is quite a bit for you two. We've had enough sense to sort out anything really dangerous, but be careful all the same." He gave them a reassuring smile and left once Mrs. Weasley opened her mouth, obviously preparing to ask him to dinner. Mrs. Weasley left the room muttering.

They eyed the multiple boxes piled in front of them. Ron opened a box and took out the first letter. He sniffed it cautiously and opened it. A smile grew on his face.

"Hermione, by any chance are you interested in marrying a bloke named Hipponomes Chryfondus? He's the head of the Irish Youth Gobstones Club and, oh look! He's included a picture," Ron asked in a pleading voice. He showed them a small photograph of a twelve year old boy with a large nose frantically waving at them.

Hermione took the picture and held it up to Ron's face. Ron gave a good impression of an eager child and Hermione giggled. "Not really." Hipponomes fluttered to the ground, forgotten, as Hermione leaned in for a small kiss.

They all dove into the boxes. Percy even helped for a bit. But then he discovered that "dangerous" did not include a box of Romilda Vane's famous chocolates. He was quickly sent off to receive and antidote.

"Hey, this guy claims to be a Weasley!" Ginny laughed while Harry sneezed violently into a bunch of flowers. "Could be too, for all we know." She grabbed the bouquet away from Harry and handed him a tissue.

They soon had most of the mail in piles: insults, compliments, love interests, packages, and "complete waste of parchment" as Ron had dubbed them. Ginny sat near the love pile with a piece of parchment, jotting down a list of people who she thought needed to "talk" to a little bit about her relationship with Harry. And maybe a nice bat bogey hex to go with it in a couple of cases. Hermione was carefully peering in packages. Ron and Harry were sitting near the "waste" mail and hate mail respectively.

"Ron, you remind me of my dog, he's a dashound. He always makes me laugh, especially when he runs into tables," Ron quoted. Harry laughed and fell into a pile of mean letters that floated up into the air like feathers, if feathers screamed that you resembled a baboon's left buttock when disturbed.

"They have such skill with a quill, don't they?" Hermione sarcastically muttered from inside a box which a lady in Chelsea had sent which seemed to contain every article that had ever mentioned Harry.

"Hermione, this lady admires your smarts," Ron continued. Hermione perked up a bit and Ron began to explain a new letter, "as a matter of fact, she admires you so much that she is going to name her toad after you. This is a matter of great importance because she always tells her pets secrets. Like one time, she told her cat that she was its sister! But the great thing is, she wasn't!" Ron put down the letter and looked at Harry, "I bet the cat was floored to hear that!"

Harry snickered and continued to read nasty things about himself.

"HARRY!" Ron yelped with such urgency that Harry half expected to have to get up and remove a spider from the premises, "I just had the most brilliant idea!" Harry and the rest of the room looked at him expectantly, "We should make Harry Potter marshmallows! They could have your face on them and everything! But I need to know what you taste like so they can be Harry Potter flavored! So, lick your arm and write me back telling me what you taste like!"

Harry couldn't help but think of all the more useful things that these people could be doing instead of thinking up these wonderful plans. Ginny, however, leaped over to where he was sitting and stuck her tongue inside of Harry's elbow. Harry looked at her quizzically and she shrugged in return, "Arm flavored marshmallows; who wouldn't want one?"

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A/N: this is for all of you who love the mugglenet wall of shame! and for all of you who don't read it whenever you are sad, just go to and its over on the left hand side right below the mugglecast link.

_REVIEWERSEQUALLOVE_

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